Today's Entrees

The Flu Song

Baby, I'm falling for you.

Either that or maybe it's just the flu.
Baby, does falling in love make you ache all over?

Maybe you'll come down with it too.

What are the symptoms of falling in love?
Does your heart flutter?
Or am I eating too much butter?

Baby, I'm itchin' to kiss ya.
Or is that dandruff?
Maybe I need a little Selsun Blue.

My head is spinning, my hear is afire.
Is that a love thing?
Or could it be those 50 hot wings?

Baby, does my heart burn for you!

I think I've got some swelling in the groin area too.
Baby, I'm a little confused. I think I may be dyin'.

Maybe I'm just dyin' for you.

Pilliard Dickle, cartoonist and door-to-door comedian

Nun of the Above

I never should have fooled around with an inebriated nun. At least not one with a gun. I thought we were having fun running nekkid in the sun. And I was sure she was out of bullets. But she still had one.

Nun. Gun. Inebriation. Bullets.
These are not words that work well together.

And neither does nekkid.

Nun nun nun nun...(a bunch of times)

She told me she was a Buddhist, but I thought she said a nudist. So I started to disrobe, and she grabbed me by the earlobe. I thought that she'd be sore, but then her habit hit the floor. And as I stood there in the buff then I began to see the score.

We sipped a little whiskey, and she started feeling frisky. She asked for my revolver, but I knew that could be risky. She would not pull the trigger, yes she promised, yes she swore. And so I let her hold it, then she said "Let's go outdoors!"

As we were running bare she shot me in the hair. I try to dodge the bullet but I never had a prayer. And just as I had feared, I looked like I'd been sheared. And then, without a word, Mother Superior appeared.

Whiskey. Frisky. Nudist. Buddhist. 
These are not words that work well together.

And the word revolver didn't help much, either.

I never should have fooled around with an inebriated nun.

At least not that one! 

I thought we were having fun running nekkid In the sun.

But it all came apart when her habit started coming undone.

This is story has a moral:
Never fool around with inebriated nuns. Particularly ones wielding weapons. Now my job here is done, so I guess I'll run along. But I hope you've learned your lesson and that you will heed this song.

Nun. Gun. Inebriation. Bullets.

Whiskey. Frisky. Nudist. Buddhist. 
Hell. Impale. Nekkid. Porcupine.
These are not words that work well together.

(A bunch more nun-nu-nu-nu-nuns)

Walter Wagner

Just because he belongs to the Rotary club

And he walks around town wearing three-piece suits

He's not fooling anyone, we all know who he is.

Walter Wagner is a dog, oh yeah.
Walter Wagner is a dog

So he stands upright, and he drives a Beamer
Smokes imported cigarettes and carries a briefcase.

We're onto his little ruse

We can see through his charade.
Walter Wagner is a dog

That's right, Walter Wagner is a dog.

Notice how he turns around three times before he since down.
And when a siren wails he always whines.
That's a tail-tail sign that he's a canine.
And what about how his face pokes out?

He claims itHe claims it's a nose, but no…It's a snout!

Now he's running for mayor on the Canine ticket

And he'll probably lick his opponent.
The race is fixed (and so is he).

My advice to you is: flea!
Walter Wagner is a dog. You got it.
Walter Wagner is a dog

The State Song of Nebraska

I've never been to Nebraska, so I don't really know what it's like.
But if I ever went to Nebraska, I'm sure it will be very nice.
The rolling hills of Nebraska are such a lovely sight to behold.

If indeed they have rolling Hills.

And if not, I'm sure they have something equally as lovely.

Some fascinating facts about Nebraska:

It's bigger than Rhode Island.It's bigger than Rhode Island. (I bet.)

The Nebraska state bird is…covered in feathers.

And its lakes and rivers are wet.

Nebraska O Nebraska! So much warmer than Alaska.

Cooler by far than the Sahara. Flatter than the Rockies.

Yet much more mountainous than Holland.

I just can't sing the praises of Nebraska enough.

It  got stuff.
Its number one export is… I dunno. Kumquats?
And it was founded by, you know,

That guy, a long long time ago.

NeNebraska, O Nebraska! Home to several famous folks.

Including the governor of Nebraska.

And the ex governor of Nebraska.
A the lieutenant governor of Nebraska.
And Miss...Oklahoma.

Pilliard Dickle is America's only door-to-door comedian. He's best known as the creator of a land of time called Calendaria. Explore it here.

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