We now join The Time Loop, already in progress
“You’re right!” shouted an odd-looking man in a weird get-up, waving his arms. “It works!”
"What works?” said the Professor.
“Oh, I was thinking you were the me I was just talking to...but now I realize I’m him!”
“I am he,” mumbled Professor Head, always the stickler for grammar.
“Excuse me, what?”
“I am he, not I am him.”
“I know you are...and so am I!” said the stranger in the goggles. “We both are!”
The professor forced a weak smile, trying to feign sufficient politeness as he figured out a way to back out of this nonsensical conversation with this weird interloper.
Professor Egbert G. Head (or “Eg,” as his friends called him) was Dean of Chronological Studies at Calendaria U. He was on his way to the Observatory when this oddly-dressed man ran up to him in a frenzy.
“Listen, can we talk a moment?” said the stranger. “I have something very important to tell you.”
“Well, see, the thing is,” stammered the professor, “an unexplained anomaly has appeared in the sky and I’m on my way up to the observatory to, well, observe. But I’m running a bit late. I was supposed to be there at two, but I heard the bell for the two o’clock trolly a couple of minutes ago.”
“It will only take a minute of your time,” he assured him. “Well, five to be precise.”
The professor sighed.
“It’s about that time travel thing you’ve been working on,” continued the stranger.
Suddenly he had the professor’s full attention. Time travel was a conundrum Professor Head had been trying to crack for years...but in strict solitude. How could this stranger know about his secret project?
“You know how you keep thinking you’re on the verge of figuring it out?” said the stranger.
“Uhhh…” stammered the professor, at a loss for words.
"Well, you just did!”
“I did?”
“Well, actually, I did. And you’re about to.”
“I am? When?”
“Let’s see,” he said, looking at his pocket watch. ”In about five minutes.”
“Well how did I do it?
“OK, listen…”
The stranger lowered his voice and placed one hand on the professor’s shoulder.
“You see, the secret to time travel is…”
Professor Head was all ears.
“Let’s grab a table,” said the stranger, gesturing toward an outdoor cafe. “You really need to be sitting down for this.”
They took a seat and ordered two cups of thyme tea and a bowl of dates.
“OK, listen,” continued the stranger. “Here’s how it works. Once you discover the solution to time travel, you don’t have to figure out how you did it." He lowered his voice and leaned forward. “You just go back in time a few minutes and…”
They both finished the sentence together.
“...and tell yourself how you did it!”
“Of course!” exuded the professor, his hands in the air. "The solution is so elegant! Why didn’t I think of…?”
The professor froze in mid-sentence and gave the man across the table a squinty-eyed glare.
“Who are you?”
“Oh, I forgot I had this get-up on.”
He reached up and ripped off his goggles.
“I’m you! From the future! And I’ve come back to tell you how you did it!”
Professor EG Head suddenly found himself sitting face to face with…Professor EG Head. The normally-verbose professor was rendered speechless. He was beside himself. Literally.
The two hims sat silently a moment glaring at themselves across the table, as if gazing into a mirror (except that one had on a ridiculous hat). Finally the professor—the past professor—opened his mouth and managed to squeeze out a few words.
“Sooo…how did I do it?”
The professor—the one from the future—took out a pen and sketchpad and started sketching.“OK, first, you need a time machine.”
“Hold on,” said the past professor, jotting notes of his own. “’Need…time…machine.”
The other him started sketching.
“It’s shaped sort of like this. It’s just a small capsule. But not too small—you want to be able to get in it.”
He faltered, the tip of his pen hovering just above the paper.
“I'm not sure I’m drawing this right.”
He stood up.
“Follow me,” he said, picking up his goggles and stuffing them in his coat pocket.
The two professors walked through the crowd until they came to what appeared to be a bullet-shaped telephone booth. The future professor placed his fingertips gently on each side of the capsule, then pivoted around toward his other self, his hands still apart.
“OK, you want it to be about yay wide.” Then he placed is hand on top of it. “And about yay tall.”
“Wait a minute,” said the past professor, “why don’t I just use this one? It’s already built!”
“Oh yeah, of course! Great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?”
The past professor stuck his head into the time machine to have a look around.
“Here, you better put on these,” said the future professor, handing him his goggles and hat. “You don’t want to freak yourself out. Oh and you better take off that red bow tie—that’s a dead giveaway.”
He donned the disguise, then stepped inside. It was a tight fit, especially with that giant hat on.
“So how do you operate this thing?” he asked.
“Oh, hold on, I put the instructions right here.”
He reached in his pocket, took out a folded piece of paper, unfolded it and started reading.
“‘Dial a time. Press the button.’”
He handed him the instructions.
“Here, you better put this in your pocket in case you forget.”
Then he closed the door.
“Hey, I’m gonna set it for 65 million years ago!” came an exuberant but muffled voice. “I’m going to see the dinosaurs!”
Yes, that was my first thought. But we better take it easy with this thing first time out, don’t ‘cha think? And don’t forget about your mission.”
“Oh yeah. To tell myself how I did it.”
“Right. Well…good luck!”
The professor set the dial for five minutes ago, took a deep breath and pressed the button.
Nothing happened.
After a few more stout presses, he slowly cracked the door and poked his head out.
“It’s not working,” he said.
But no one was there.
He stepped out of the capsule and had a look around. Everything seemed the same as it ever was. Calendarians bustled about to and fro on the mezzanine. A day trader was peddling fresh dates, three for a dollar. The Daybreaker was absconding with a Tuesday. A slightly balding but rather handsome calendar artist drawing the year for the people back in his homeland, The Land of Reality.
And in the middle of all this wandered a guy in a fake beard, a weird hat and a pair of ridiculous goggles, feeling dazed and confused and wondering how he could have fallen for such a ruse.
Then came a familiar screech that changed everything.
Errrrrrkk….Ding ding ding!
The trolly squeaked to a stop and rang its bell, just as it did every hour, on the hour, like clockwork, right in front of the Spring building. That was pretty much how the citizens of this lofty hilltop town kept time. “I can’t believe it!” he said to himself aloud. “He was right! It’s five minutes ago!”
Excitedly he ambled through the crowd, peering at passersby as best he could through his obtrusive goggles. Finally he spotted whom he was looking for. The distinctive red bow tie was hard to miss.
“You’re right!” he shouted. “It works!”
"What works?” said the Professor.
“Oh, I was thinking you were the me I was just talking to...but now I realize I’m him!”
“I am he,” mumbled Professor Head
“I know you are...and so am I!” said the stranger in the goggles. “We both are!”
The professor forced a weak smile, trying to feign sufficient politeness as he figured out a way to back out of this nonsensical conversation with this weird interloper.
“Listen, can we talk a moment?” said the stranger. “I have something very important to tell you.”
“Well, see, the thing is,” stammered the professor, “I’m on my way up to the observatory, but I’m running a bit late. I was supposed to be there at two, but I just heard the bell for the two o’clock trolly.”
“It will only take a minute of your time,” he assured him. “Well, five to be precise.”
The professor sighed.
“It’s about that time travel thing you’ve been working on,” continued the stranger.
Suddenly he had the professor’s full attention. Time travel was a conundrum Professor Head had been trying to crack for years...but in strict solitude. How could this stranger know about his secret project?
“You know how you keep thinking you’re on the verge of figuring it out?” said the stranger.
“Uhhh…” stammered the professor, at a loss for words.
"Well, you just did!”
“I did?”
“Well, actually, I did. And you’re about to.”
“I am? When?”
“Let’s see,” he said, looking at his pocket watch. ”In about five minutes.”
“Well how did I do it?
“OK, listen…”
The stranger lowered his voice and placed one hand on the professor’s shoulder.
“You see, the secret to time travel is…”
Professor Head was all ears.
“Let’s grab a table,” said the stranger, gesturing toward an outdoor cafe. “You really need to be sitting down for this.”
They took a seat and ordered two cups of thyme tea and a bowl of dates.
“OK, listen,” continued the stranger. “Here’s how it works. Once you discover the solution to time travel, you don’t have to figure out how you did it." He lowered his voice and leaned forward. “You just go back in time a few minutes and…”
They both finished the sentence together.
“...and tell yourself how you did it!”
“Of course!” exuded the professor, his hands in the air. "The solution is so elegant! Why didn’t I think of…?”
The professor froze in mid-sentence and gave the man across the table a squinty-eyed glare.
“Who are you?”
“Oh, I forgot I had this get-up on.”
He reached up and ripped off his goggles.
“I’m you! From the future! And I’ve come back to tell you how you did it!”
Professor EG Head suddenly found himself sitting face to face with…Professor EG Head. The normally-verbose professor was rendered speechless. He was beside himself. Literally.
The two hims sat silently a moment glaring at themselves across the table, as if gazing into a mirror (except that one had on a ridiculous hat). Finally the professor—the past professor—opened his mouth and managed to squeeze out a few words.
“Sooo…how did I do it?”
The professor—the one from the future—took out a pen and sketchpad and started sketching.“OK, first, you need a time machine.”
“Hold on,” said the past professor, jotting notes of his own. “’Need…time…machine.”
The other him started sketching.
“It’s shaped sort of like this. It’s just a small capsule. But not too small—you want to be able to get in it.”
He faltered, the tip of his pen hovering just above the paper.
“I'm not sure I’m drawing this right.”
He stood up.
“Follow me,” he said, picking up his goggles and stuffing them in his coat pocket.
The two professors walked through the crowd until they came to what appeared to be a bullet-shaped telephone booth. The future professor placed his fingertips gently on each side of the capsule, then pivoted around toward his other self, his hands still apart.
“OK, you want it to be about yay wide.” Then he placed is hand on top of it. “And about yay tall.”
“Wait a minute,” said the past professor, “why don’t I just use this one? It’s already built!”
“Oh yeah, of course! Great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?”
The past professor stuck his head into the time machine to have a look around.
“Here, you better put on these,” said the future professor, handing him his goggles and hat. “You don’t want to freak yourself out. Oh and you better take off that red bow tie—that’s a dead giveaway.”